Merry Christmas

Over the past few years I have enjoyed Christmas more and more. I used to think it was about something very different. Basically, how much could I over spend and how many expensive toys can I buy for people. I felt like I was being generous for some reason. Now that I look back, I wasn't. I was being prideful and not thrifty at all.

My wife and I don't have a lot. We are so grateful for what we do have and thanks Heavenly Father daily for the generosity of my in-laws (who let us live in their house) and the fact that we have food on the table and clothes on our backs.

Some people ask why we don't have a lot. They don't understand our entire situation and to be honest, some days, I don't either. We have massive amount of medical bills. Although this should have not put us in the poor house, it has to some extent. The other issue was a mistake I made a few years ago, which I won't go into deeply, only that it takes 45% of my take home pay before I can feed my wife and kids.

So, this Christmas, out of the generosity of others my kids received gifts from local church groups and the thriftiness of my wife's spending power. She can be very, very frugal and make a dollar stretch a mile if needed.

At first I was very upset about someone else giving our kids things that I should have been providing. I would hold a grudge against the people that were taking the money out of our pockets and putting into there own. I would rather the money come from my own pocket so I could properly provide for my family. However the reality is simple. The numbers don't add up. Like so many other American's this time of year, we relied on the generosity of others. If I allowed my pride to get in the away of this time of year, we wouldn't have a Christmas tree, very, very few gifts under it to open. Very little dinner to eat for the evening, and a depressing Christmas to say the least.

So, now I look at the holiday differently. It's not about how many lights I can put up around the house, or how many gifts can under the tree, but rather how we can help our fellow human beings survive with a little dignity.

As I mentioned, we don't have a lot, but we find ways to help other families that have less than we do. My wife and I adopted two families this year. I was unable to attend the first family receiving the gifts that my wife and I wrapped a few days prior. Most of the gifts were not new, as a matter of fact most of them were hand-me-downs from our kids. Some of the toys were not in the best of shape, but instead of having nothing, these children had games to play and clothes to keep them warm. And in the spirit of Christmas we gave what we had. In return, we received blessings that were not asked for, but given to us by a higher power. Yes, I'm talking about the Lord.

This experience of losing everything has made me less prideful, and has made it easier to ask for help. I have to ask for help again this weekend, and I will with a lump in my throat and feeling ashamed that I have to ask. Again, the reality is that we have to in order to survive.

So, I'm getting less prideful in my old age and as I said, this experience has taught me this. I like to think that Heavenly Father is teaching me to become a better person. I want to be a better person and I don't want to wait until it's too late.

Maybe someone reading this will be helped my experience, I can only hope and pray that they are helped.