Family

As Latter Day Saints, we are taught that families can be together for eternity. While here on Earth we need to build those relationships and continue to build the love that binds all of us together.

I have a few examples of how this needs to be done. Mark and Kathy, my in-laws have shown me and my family what love really is, and when you make decisions to be helpful and serve others it affects you. Church leaders teach us to serve others and we will be blessed for it. I have been treated kindly and with respect by Mark and Kathy and have seen the blessings that they have received based on those services.

While decisions that Mark and Kathy made were not popular, they felt that they were doing the right thing, as we have been taught. I know they would have done the same for anyone in the family.

Something I read recently that Thomas S. Monson said, hit home while I was thinking about Mark, Kathy and my mother.

Quote by President Thomas S. Monson: “My brothers and sisters, we are surrounded by those in need of our attention, our encouragement, our support, our comfort, our kindness—be they family members, friends, acquaintances, or strangers. We are the Lord’s hands here upon the earth, with the mandate to serve and to lift His children. He is dependent upon each of us.”

I pray daily, that people that do not support the people around us, will start. Jesus taught by example on many occasions. I too have starting to serve by helping others when I can and doing it without any thoughts of payment or any other transaction. A handshake or a hug is all I need for payment. I have been blessed because of these actions of serving and feel that I have gotten to know some very nice people in the process. Hopefully, someone will learn from my example.

The generosity and love that they have shown our family has been unexpected and greatly appreciated by myself and my immediate family.

Thank you Mark, Kathy and Mom, for all the things you do and for things you will do in the future and not just for me or my little family but for everyone.

Maddy The Explorer

I was sitting on the couch last night not paying much attention to anything, mostly lost in my own thoughts.

I looked up and I saw my 13 month old standing on the coffee table. I wondered, how did she get up there? Then I noticed she moved a foot stool over to the table, climbed on the step stool, and then onto the table. What a smart little girl we have.

Then I started thinking about how Maddy treks around the house "looking" for things. She looks everywhere. In the cabinets (the ones that do not need to be child proofed) in the closet, under the bed, up the stairs, outside, in and around bushes and other objects.

It made me think she was like a little Indiana Jones moving swiftly through the jungle looking for the one artifact that needed to be put into a museum.

However, the opposite does happen. A month or so ago, Maddy got a hold of my wifes cell phone. We haven't seen the phone since. Luckily, we had insurance and was able to replace it. We have never found the phone. We looked everywhere (at least we think so). I did notice that Maddy likes to put things into boxes and the trash can. We can only figure that Maddy decided that the cell phone was trash and it was emptied without anyone noticing it was in the trash.

Maddy also has three pairs of shoes. However one pair has one shoe missing. Something else we can't seem to find. Who knows where it ended up. I gave up looking for it weeks ago.

Maddy is quite the little explorer. I often laugh how curious she is about things. If she is not in true harms way, I let her figure it out for herself. There are times I do help her. We are all trying to train her to get DOWN the stairs. However we have a little gate up now that helps the climbing up part.

Yesterday, Maddy came out of the kitchen with two handfuls of 3x3 gauze pads. I still don't know where she found them. This morning, she had my wifes bra over her head and walking around yelling about something. It was quite a site.

Yes, she is quite the explorer, and it seems like she is quite the talker as well. She talks nonstop some days. Other days she is a little more reserved. She always has something to say, even though you don't want to hear it. I wonder where she got that trait from?

Gratitude

I was thinking before I feel asleep tonight how grateful I am for the things I have, people in my life and for the experiences I have had or yet to have. Here is my list. Maybe you could share your list of things you are grateful for in your comments?

1. The atonement of Christ
2. A wife who works with me
3. In-laws that put up with me (us) on a daily basis
4. How medical science has helped so many people
5. Patience
6. Clean clothes
7. A roof that doesn't leak
8. A car/van that starts in the morning
9. Cell phone technology
10. A daughter that loves me, even if she doesn't agree with what I do
11. The Internet
12. Unemployment/medical Insurance
13. Clean diapers
14. Children who listen, even when they don't want to
15. The gospel in written form
16. Joseph Smith
17. A loving mother and family
18. Alarm clocks
19. Finding humor in my life
20. The democratic process
21. Umbrellas
22. Number 2 pencils
23. Recognizing opportunity when it knocks on our door
24. Promptings
25. The Priesthood

I'm sure I could go on and on. It's a short list and is a start in the right direction

Sunday Morning Memories

While laying in bed this morning, I heard the kids playing out in the living room. They were having a good time playing something. Maddy was out there too in the middle of everything. I could hear the laughter and giggles, the occasional argument and more laughter.

It made me think about the Sunday mornings when I was kid growing up in Southern New Jersey. My brothers and I would build "forts" out of blankets. We would use books or whatever else we could find to hold the blankets up and create a little city within the small house we lived in and had quite the time with it.

By 9am, we needed to clean up and get ready for church. These were the days that all of us would go to church (except Dad). I think my brothers and sister sang in the youth choir and Mom also sang in the choir. As a matter of fact, Mom still sings in the choir, not at the same church, but the church she went to while she was growing up.

I remember climbing in the Ford Galaxie and heading down Kings Highway to the church. There also seemed to be so much activity at the church. I haven't been there in years, but someday I might stop in.







Now I'm wrangling my own kids, getting them to clean up on Sunday morning after a bit of a romp around the house. Our church meeting doesn't start until 1pm. Kind of late in the day, but it seems to work out very nicely. We all go and the kids behave fairly well for kids.

Agency

Since I have a little extra time on my hands, I have been thinking about my life, my choices, and the consequences of those choices. Consequences don't have to be "bad" it's mainly the outcome of a choice that you or someone else has made. One thing interesting, you can chose your choices, but you cannot chose the consequences of those choices.

Some choices I have made in my life have had bad consequences. I had to deal with the issues that follow after the decision has been made and plans put into action. I'm still dealing with a few issues from bad choices. I think we all deal with these types of issues, and as they say, life goes on.

One of the bad choices I'm still paying for is my weight. I still have an sweet eating disorder, or SED. Everyday I work on this issue and it's not easy. Still, I continue on and deal with the consequences of eating too many sweets (high blood sugar and weight gain) and someday, I will conquer it.

Some of the better choices I have made that have very nice consequences, is my wife Julia. Our relationship isn't perfect but we work at the issues and neither one will let the other bury their head in the sand. It's a nice feeling.

Another consequence to a decision would be my youngest daughter, Maddy. She has a few health issues, but I wouldn't give her up for the world. Don't get me wrong, I love all my kids (I include step-children in that statement) and I wouldn't give any of them up either. Some people have asked me that if I could do it over again, would I. For me it was an easy question to answer. Of course, I would do it exactly the same. Why you ask? It all has to do with free agency and the plan that Heavenly Father has for us.

Did I ever think that at 46 years old I would be living with my in-laws and struggling to buy shoes for the kids because they are growing like weeds? Of course not. Would I change any of it? Not at all. Heavenly Father has taught me some very important lessons over the past year or so. How to be humble is one of them. Yes, I still can get prideful. However I see the value in being humble, which I never did before. I'm glad that I see it now. It has made me a better person. Yes, another consequence. The LDS church has also been a huge blessing for me. It was a tough choice to make. What would me friends say? What would be relatives say? As far as I know, I'm the first in my family (on my side) to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. All the rest are a mixed bag. Baptist, Catholics, Methodists. I don't think they have made wrong choices for staying in one particular religion nor do I think of that of anyone else. The choice of joining the church just made so much sense to me at the time (and still does) that the decision was easy. Its a choice I was free to make with the gift of free agency.

Why all the talk of agency? Well, it's a gift that Heavenly Father has given to us. You see, Satan didn't want us to have free agency. He wanted us to follow him and be enslaved to him. We wouldn't be able to choose anything. It would all be chosen for us. Even Heavenly Father has let Lucifer have free agency. Think about it. It's interesting to think that God has let the evil one choose, just as he has let us have that free agency.

More interestingly, I find that many people feel they can control others with their actions. This is a trick. If you let someone dictate how you act, you are giving up your free agency. Now, I'm not saying you should go out into the world like a crazy person and run around doing harmful things to others.

You may have a loved one tell you something that is hurtful, maybe they didn't mean it, maybe they did. Its up to you how you want to set up those boundaries and work on the issue. Reacting to it only lets them gain control of your agency, thusly putting you on Satan's corner store for the removal of free agency.

So, next time a situation comes up make sure you think about how you want to address the issue. You will be a better person for it.

I love all my children and grand-daughter. I love their aunts and uncles and cousins. I wouldn't trade them for anything. They have taught me a great deal and I would like to think that they have learned something from me as well. In short, I love my family. We get to take two things to the Celestrial kingdom, what we have learned here on Earth and to be together with our family.

February Thoughts

It's been a crazy couple of weeks around the house. Julia and I have been very busy with church callings, work and keeping up with the kids.

Last Thursday I went to the doctors for my second fill. I was up another 1.5 pounds. I was very frustrated but with all the stresses in my life at this point, it wasn't too surprising. The doctor said is normal for this stage in the game. I received another fill and I have to tell you, I get full very quickly now. I think this one will do it for me.

I started walking 3 days a week for 30-40 minutes. It turns out to be about two miles. I go in the early morning hours. The solitude is nice and there isn't that much traffic. So my chances of getting hit by a car or truck go down a bit. My first day out and got these HUGE blisters on the inside corner of my heels. Not such a big deal, but it made me walk with a little bit of a limp for a while. I made the grave mistake of going out and walking again with the blisters. I had covered them up well so they didn't hurt, but because I was favoring the heel area a bit, my feet started cramping. It just got worse and worse as I went on, to the point where I was hurting badly.

I decided to give the walking a break until my feet healed a bit and also get a new pair of trainers (those are tennis shoes or sneakers). I went to The Portland Running Company . They did a nice job of fitting the trainers specifically for me. The way I walk, run, and stand. Very comfy and the prices were about the same as most places. It was well worth the effort to go there as I felt that I had set myself up for success in terms of my exercise program.

The doctor asked if I could walk 2 hours a week. I didn't see a problem with adding another 30 minutes, but of course I wanted to wait until my feet healed from my last adventure. I will probably take this week as 3 times a week, and next week I will add another day in. That will give me just a little more than 2 hours a week of walking.

On another note, I have received my first Temple recommend from the church. I'm very excited and a little scared all at the same time. I know there are blessing for going to the temple for myself and my family and feel the time is right. I still need to call the temple and set a date.

Julia and I also looked how things were going in the paying the bills department. We are paying the medical bills down much quicker than we originally anticipated. After we did our taxes for 2009, we realized that we are only living on $5000 per year. I never thought that six people could eat, clothe and do all the things we do on such little money, at least in this day and age. This is after we have paid all of the obligations and medical bills. Thanks to my wonderful in-laws for helping us out on the living arrangements department, we have been able to get these bills down. Some people don't understand how grateful Julia and I are for her parents sacrifice. From what I have been taught, this is what families do for each other.

Obedience

I thought I would share the talk I'm giving at church today. Its about obedience. It was very hard to think about what being obedient is, and how to be obedient. And most of all, who am I being obedient to.

So, here it is...

Obedience

What is obedience? How does the Gospel define it? Some might say that it is obeying all of the commandments. Some might say that is simply listening to the voice of Heavenly Father. Others will tell you that praying, reading your scriptures, and paying your tithing are all ways of being obedient. These things are all true, and important to teach our children, but this is a small part of what we must learn about being obedient. Following the commandments and scriptures is a fine idea, and Heavenly Father wants us to do so, however there is a bit more to it than that.

In Proverbs 29:23 we read, “A man’s pride shall bring him low: but honour shall uphold the humble in spirit.”

These are actions of being obedient. The things that we do in our daily lives are the outward actions of obedience. When we do them our lives are blessed. But is that the end of it? Are performing these actions making us obedient to the Lords wishes? The Ten Commandments give us the basis for our expected actions, but they are only a type of things to come. They were the lower law, meant to prepare us for the higher law, which Christ brought.

Obedience is more than actions, but rather a mighty change of heart. When Jesus Christ went down to the river Jordon to be baptized by John did Jesus need to be baptized? In Matthew 3:14-15 we can read; “But John forbade him, saying, I have need to be baptized of thee, and comest thou to me? And Jesus answering said unto him, Suffer it to be so now: for thus it becometh us to fulfil all righteousness. Then he suffered him.”

The answer is clear, yes Jesus needed to be baptized to show the rest of us that we too needed to be baptized and be cleansed of our sins. He was obedient to the commands of the Father that all need to be baptized as the way to enter into the kingdom of God.

In an article in the Ensign in Nov 2006, Elder Richard G. Scott Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles wrote:

Each of us makes mistakes in life. They result in broken eternal laws. Justice is that part of Father in Heaven’s plan of happiness that maintains order. It is like gravity to a rock climber, ever present. It is a friend if eternal laws are observed. It responds to your detriment if they are ignored. Justice guarantees that you will receive the blessings you earn for obeying the laws of God. Justice also requires that every broken law be satisfied. When you obey the laws of God, you are blessed, but there is no additional credit earned that can be saved to satisfy the laws that you break. If not resolved, broken laws can cause your life to be miserable and would keep you from returning to God. Only the life, teachings, and particularly the Atonement of Jesus Christ can release you from this otherwise impossible predicament.

We need to be obedient, and to follow Christ’s example so that we can show to the Lord that we have had a mighty change of heart. It is by repenting, giving forgiveness to others, and following the laws we are given that we are able to earn the right to be recognized by Christ. It is how we show that we know Him, and by doing so, He comes to claims us through our obedience to Him.

We need obedience so that we can become the people we want to be. We evolve through obedience. The evolutions I have seen in some people after they have joined the Church and have been obedient to the Lord’s commandments speak volumes. As we are more obedient, the more we become one with Christ. The goal is to become Christ-like, not Christ himself. I am not the same man that I was 5 years ago. In that amount of time I have changed in countless ways. All of those changes required obedience to laws and principles of the gospel. Some changes required giving up bad habits, other changes required learning new laws, and having the faith to follow those laws.

The consequences to obeying or disobeying the Lord’s commandments are pretty straightforward. Law governs the kingdom of heaven and when we receive any blessing it is by obedience to the law upon that blessing is based.

In D&C 130:20-21 it says, “There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated—
And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated.”

The Lord has told us that through our obedience we will gain knowledge and will grow spiritually.

Now, disobedience brings many things in particular disappointment and loss of blessings. This always reminds me of the “son-in-law points” my mother in-law says I’m either gaining or losing at the time.

In D&C 58:31-33 we read, “Who am I, saith the Lord, that have promised and have not fulfilled? I command and men obey not; I revoke and they receive not the blessing. Then they say in their hearts: This is not the work of the Lord, for his promises are not fulfilled. But wo unto such, for their reward lurketh beneath, and not from above.”

The deal we have with Heavenly Father is simple. We obey the commandments he gives us blessings. That’s His promise to us. As King Benjamin said to his people, “He doth require that ye should do as he hath commanded you; for which if ya do, he doth immediately bless you” (Mosiah 2:24)

In D&C 14:7 it says, “And, if you keep my commandments and endure to the end you shall have eternal life, which gift is the greatest of all the gifts of God.”
This is counsel directly from the Lord.

Heavenly Father wants us to be His children, to know Him as our Father in heaven and to obey Him as His children. There are some parents that allow their children to tell them what to do, how to do it, and when. Basically the parent is not the parent in the situation, but rather the child and the child is acting like the parent. The Lord wants us to be His children. He wants to ask Him for help, He wants us to obey his commandments, just as we obeyed our parents when we were children.

Even Jesus obeyed His father. In 2 Nephi 31:7, “Know ye not that he was holy? But notwithstanding he being holy, he showeth unto the children of men that, according to the flesh he humbleth himself before the Father, and witnesseth unto the Father that he would be obedient unto him in keeping his commandments.”

Oftentimes our actions lead us into paths where we are substituting our wisdom for that of Heavenly Fathers. Whether it is thinking that a particular commandment doesn’t apply to us, or that we can have the blessings of the gospel without first following the directions of the prophets. When we substitute our desires and thoughts for those of Heavenly Father’s, we are putting ourselves above Heavenly Father. How can we be so prideful to think that we are above Heavenly Father? When taken to its most extreme conclusion, this prideful disobedience can lead to becoming apostate. Apostates, rather than being Christ-like, they feel they are Christ, or they are above the First Presidency of the Church or even Heavenly Father Himself. Oftentimes they feel that the rules or commandments don’t apply to them. It is only through obedience and humility that we can fight the tendency to become apostate. Satan wants us to believe that we are above the laws of God. Christ tempts us back to Him, and wants us to follow Him as he follows Heavenly Father.

The Lord expects us to do our best, in all situations that includes our callings, our dealing with our fellow man, our neighbors, our relatives, everything. If we do our best to be obedient, the Lord will know it when we get the Celestial Kingdom. We must endure to the end. While that can be a constant struggle, it is one in which we build the spiritual strength to become closer to Christ. Being obedient is hard, but it is well worth the effort in the end.

In Matthew 24:13, “But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved.”

How do we become one with Christ? – We must be obedient to act in His name. One of the ways we do this as priesthood holders is when we perform blessings. I remember the first time I gave a blessing. I was a little nervous, but I started out OK. Then I don’t recall anything until I was at the end of the blessing. I was so exhausted by the end. Afterwards, I was speaking to my wife about what had happened and she said that she felt the Spirit very strong that night. If I had started the blessing with an idea of what I wanted to say, I wouldn’t have been open to the promptings of the Spirit. It is only in turning the blessing over to the Lord, and saying those things which I am inspired to say, that I can hope to be a profitable servant of the Lord.

Our challenge, as members of the Lord’s church, is to continue to stay humble, be obedient and endure to the end. It is a constant process. We learn something new every day. I know that as we come closer to Christ, as we are more obedient to the Lord’s directions, that we will find joy in this life, and an eternal relationship with our Lord and Savior. I know that the Lord is beckoning to us, urging us, with his hands out, because he wants us to come unto Him.

Two Steps Forward, One Step Backwards

Today I had my first doctors appointment since the surgery. After a quick upper GI, I was off the doctors office for a weigh in. I actually gained 5 lbs since the last time I weighed myself. ACK!

Actually, it wasn't much of a surprise. I have been eating like a horse and many of the wrong things. No ones fault but my own. Some of it was stress induced, but I got to get on with it.

So, Dr. Patterson gave me a "fill". A fill is where they add saline to the lap-band to constrict it around the stomach area a little more. It's pretty normal not to feel any restriction at all the first month or so. I generally would feel some restriction after eating some bread. Sometimes I would throw it up because if felt like it would "get stuck".


You start to learn what works and what doesn't. So far, chicken, bread, rice, and pork are off my list. They tend to get stuck and well, you know you have to get rid of it somehow, and it's not going to go down!

A couple of years ago, I had a problem where many foods (it didn't matter what kind normally) would get stuck in my esophagus. I would have to regurgitate it back up to get rid of the pain. It was very painful. I finally (on advice from a friend) went to the doctors and they performed an endoscopy.

This is performed by knocking you out and pushing a camera down your throat and seeing what is going on. They found that I had done so much drinking and hard living that my esophagus collapsed in a couple of different places and all the nerves were worn out, so it was no wonder why I would never have indigestion or any kind of heart burn. The problem was easily fixed by "inflating" those areas that were collapsed to make them larger and less restrictive. I also had to take medication since so the nerves would heal.

Well, when I eat rice or chicken, it has the same feeling as when my esophagus was collapsed. Funny that I would choose this surgery to help lose weight. Same type of issues, but at least I understand what to do and why it happens.

Well, that's it's for now. Please leave a comment if you like.

A Day At Powells

My daughter and grand-daughter are up visiting this weekend. We took Christina and Kaitlyn to a Portland icon, Powell's Book Store. We had a blast looking through most of the store, but found it to be quite crowded today and the babies (Kaitlyn 13 months and Maddy 9 months) just wanted to pull books off of the shelves.

I would like to have found a number of books to read, but alas, I was bound to "The Poky Little Puppy" with Maddy and numerous other books with Kaitlyn. I have to admit, it was fun watching the two kids play together.

Happy New Year!

Well, here it is 2010. I never thought I would live to see the day when we would be in the year 2010. When I was a kid growing up in the early 70's, 2010 seemed like a such long way away. Where's my flying car? Transporters that zap you anywhere? None of these things have made it to the main stream yet, if they are even invented yet.

As for me, 2010 marks my fourth year of being sober. The last day I took a drink was December 7th, 2006. So, just over three years now without self medicating to the point of not knowing where I am. Sheash, what a life that was. The interesting thing is that I hid it from a lot of people. Many people knew I had a drink or two, but not many knew how much I really drank. Morning, noon, and night sometimes. Screwdrivers and Bloody Mary's for breakfast, beer or rum and coke for lunch and wine, bourbon, and anything else that fit my fancy for the evening. I would drink to the point of being water logged. I can recall waking up in a hotel room, still dressed from the night before, but having the feeling of dryness that only a hangover could produce. The best way to get rid of a hangover of course, was never to be sober. I was very, very good at this cycle.

It took me a while, but I finally realized that I didn't need to drink any longer and that life could be better, if I wanted it. Sobering up was one of the best things that I have ever done for myself to this day.

The second best thing I did for myself was go into counseling. Not so much for the drinking issues, but the feeling of being depressed and anxiety. It took me a while to realize what kind of household I grew up. It was no ones' fault, it's just the way it was. I'm sure there were many houses throughout the world that had controlling fathers. Controlling to the point of exhaustion on everyone's part. I didn't realize it at the time, but my marriage was abusive. Neither one of us wanted to admit it, but it was. I really didn't understand fully at the time why I wanted out of the relationship, but I decided to leave my wife and go out on my own. I stopped drinking and I got out of a abusive relationship with a woman who I really cared about, but didn't love her the way a husband should love a wife. She was more of a friend. I still think she is a nice person, as long as I am not married to her.

The other thing I did to help my life along was to get out of a business partnership that was also in many ways just as abusive as my marriage. My partners were good guys, but they felt compelled to push me around. I let them too, however when I tried to fight back, the relationship worsened.

I took a great loss from selling the business, but I was out of it and I felt good about the decision and changes I was making. In the meantime, I met a woman who made me feel good about myself, but let me be my own person at the same time. She has showed me some avenues of life that I never have thought could be possible.

So, 2010 is going to be a great decade for me and my family. Things are starting to look up financially, spiritually, and my relationships with loved ones, although can be a struggle, it's worth every bit of struggle that I endure. I love them all and can only hope that love will continue to grow.

I often wonder how my life would be if I didn't make these changes. The relationships I have now I wouldn't trade for the world.