Happy New Year!

Well, here it is 2010. I never thought I would live to see the day when we would be in the year 2010. When I was a kid growing up in the early 70's, 2010 seemed like a such long way away. Where's my flying car? Transporters that zap you anywhere? None of these things have made it to the main stream yet, if they are even invented yet.

As for me, 2010 marks my fourth year of being sober. The last day I took a drink was December 7th, 2006. So, just over three years now without self medicating to the point of not knowing where I am. Sheash, what a life that was. The interesting thing is that I hid it from a lot of people. Many people knew I had a drink or two, but not many knew how much I really drank. Morning, noon, and night sometimes. Screwdrivers and Bloody Mary's for breakfast, beer or rum and coke for lunch and wine, bourbon, and anything else that fit my fancy for the evening. I would drink to the point of being water logged. I can recall waking up in a hotel room, still dressed from the night before, but having the feeling of dryness that only a hangover could produce. The best way to get rid of a hangover of course, was never to be sober. I was very, very good at this cycle.

It took me a while, but I finally realized that I didn't need to drink any longer and that life could be better, if I wanted it. Sobering up was one of the best things that I have ever done for myself to this day.

The second best thing I did for myself was go into counseling. Not so much for the drinking issues, but the feeling of being depressed and anxiety. It took me a while to realize what kind of household I grew up. It was no ones' fault, it's just the way it was. I'm sure there were many houses throughout the world that had controlling fathers. Controlling to the point of exhaustion on everyone's part. I didn't realize it at the time, but my marriage was abusive. Neither one of us wanted to admit it, but it was. I really didn't understand fully at the time why I wanted out of the relationship, but I decided to leave my wife and go out on my own. I stopped drinking and I got out of a abusive relationship with a woman who I really cared about, but didn't love her the way a husband should love a wife. She was more of a friend. I still think she is a nice person, as long as I am not married to her.

The other thing I did to help my life along was to get out of a business partnership that was also in many ways just as abusive as my marriage. My partners were good guys, but they felt compelled to push me around. I let them too, however when I tried to fight back, the relationship worsened.

I took a great loss from selling the business, but I was out of it and I felt good about the decision and changes I was making. In the meantime, I met a woman who made me feel good about myself, but let me be my own person at the same time. She has showed me some avenues of life that I never have thought could be possible.

So, 2010 is going to be a great decade for me and my family. Things are starting to look up financially, spiritually, and my relationships with loved ones, although can be a struggle, it's worth every bit of struggle that I endure. I love them all and can only hope that love will continue to grow.

I often wonder how my life would be if I didn't make these changes. The relationships I have now I wouldn't trade for the world.